Mass Effect: Space Battleships
by BoredZero
Summary: One Shot. Born from the insane, giggling idea that wouldn't leave me alone. Set at the beginning of Mass Effect 3, when the Reapers begin their invasion of Earth. "Sir...that's a World War 2 era battleship." Take seriously at your own risk.


**Disclaimer: The following is not to be taken seriously. It is also not mine. Elements are used from Star Trek, and Space Battleship Yamato. **

"Anderson! Where the hell are we going!?" Shepard asked, running from cover to cover. The standard issue Predator pistol he was using was beginning to run out of thermal clips, and there were more Reapers landing. "We need to get to that comm array!"

"Not this time, Shepard!" Anderson shouted. "We got somethin' waiting for these bastards!" He said. "We need to get to the basement!"

"The basement!?" Shepard asked, surprised, as she threw a concussive shot downrange. "What the hell's in the basement!?"

"You'll see, Shepard!" Anderson grinned savagely. "And they said anti-matter power was dangerous. HA!"

The two of them fought their way towards the main entrance of the command center. Instead of using standard issue rifles however, they were using weapons that fired orange beams of some kind. They were however, far more effective than standard issue arms, as he witnessed several of those shots completely vaporize several husks heading their way.

"What the hell are those?"

"Phasers. We borrowed the idea from some old 20th Century television we found. Hell, a lot of what the hell we did was borrowed from 20th Century television." Anderson explained. "Is the Captain ready?"

"Aye, sir. We've also received confirmation from the other sites – SBB-01's thru 04 are ready to launch."

"Give me that radio." Anderson ordered.

"Yes, sir." One of the soldiers nodded, handing him a handset.

"All Alliance personnel, this is Admiral Anderson. Anyone within the vicinity of HQ are to report immediately to this building for emergency evac. I repeat – get your asses here! We're gettin' the hell outta here!" He said, handing the handset back. "MARINES!"

"**SIR, YES SIR!"**

**"**You hold that goddamn line and don't let a single one of those Reapers through! And if any of you are fucking stupid enough to get killed, I'm court-martialing your ass for disobeying orders! Understood?"

"**Oo-rah!"**

"Let's go, Shepard." Anderson said, leading her into one of the elevators. Once the doors closed, he reached into his pocket for a key, and pressed his thumb on one of the buttons.

"What the hell is going on, Anderson?" Shepard demanded.

"After we joined the Council, a few notables brought up their disagreements with the proposed treaty, stating that the Council's idea of banning all antimatter research was a detriment to scientific progress since it was the next step up from fusion power, which in turn would stunt our ability to develop new defensive and offensive technologies. There were others in the military who agreed with it, but they were officially told that the Treaty with the Citadel was going to stay."

"I take it from all this that we didn't."

"Right. Shortly after that, an organization was created which was dedicated to antimatter research. It didn't take them long to build a small, working reactor. That was only a few years ago – before your mission to Eden Prime."

"What does my mission to Eden Prime have to do with anything?"

"Officially, your theories were dismissed by the Alliance for the most part and you were shuffled off to the Spectres as a very discreet notion that we disagreed."

"Was Udina in on this?"

"No, he's just an asshole." Anderson said, shaking his head. The doors opened, and they stepped out into a hallway.

"But, while you were off investigating and dealing with the Reapers, the scientists analyzed some of the evidence you brought up and found something startling – the Prothean Archives on Mars were approximately a hundred thousand years old. They started searching for more evidence, and eventually, they found it in the Prothean Archives. They too, were killed off by the Reapers fifty thousand years ago."

"So I was right." Shepard said bitterly. "Doesn't change anything."

"Ah, but it did. The moment they found this evidence, they kicked into high gear. They knew that none of our ships that we could build out in the open would be powerful enough to fight the Reapers. We needed fresh ideas that weren't tainted by our way of thinking. So, a few of them went back into the 20th Century." Anderson grinned, nodding to the two guards. Both of them turned around and inserted their own keys into two separate locks on either side of the door, and turned them simultaneously.

The doors opened again, and they walked through – into a darkened room. The only thing that was visible were the little emergency lights on the floor.

"And, what did they find?"

"That our older, more violent counterparts, at the very least, had great creativity." Anderson grinned, walking up to a console. "Remember the Arizona."

"The Arizona, sir?"

The shutters over the windows rose, revealing an old World War II era styled battleship, bristling to the brim with guns.

On the hull, it was marked SBB-02 USS Arizona.

Shepard was confused.

"Sir...that's a World War 2 battleship. What good is it?"

"That's exactly what we wanted everyone else to think. Let's get onboard, Shepard – you'll want to see this."

Onboard the SBB-02 USS Arizona's bridge...

"Report!" The Captain ordered.

"All decks report ready, reactors are at 93% output and climbing."

"Weapons!"

"Shock cannons are fully operational. Shells are nearly finished loading."

"Supplies?"

"Finished loading, Captain."

"Admiral on the bridge!"

"As you were." Anderson replied immediately. "Captain Patton."

"Sir. Commander. It's an honor to have you onboard. Will you be taking the conn?" He asked.

"If you don't mind, Captain."

Captain Patton nodded. "The Admiral has the conn!"

"Raise the _Arizona_! Send a message to the Yamato, Hood and Bismarck to commence operations!"

"Yamato? Bismarck? Hood? Why the old battleships?"

"Irony, of course." Captain Patton grinned. "I feel sorry for the Reapers."

The ship rumbled as the engines came online, pushing the ship easily out of its aquatic hiding place and out into the open.

"Emergency blow!"

"Emergency blow, aye sir!"

The ship shuddered as its internal ballast tanks had compressed air forced into them, forcing the water back out into the sea.

"Gunnery crews, fire at will when we surface. Activate our IFF and notify all Alliance personnel that we are joining the battle."

The bow of the Arizona broke the surface smoothly, rising up out of the sea majestically. As soon as its first turret cleared the water, it rotated 90 degrees to starboard and fired all three barrels.

The shells hit the side of the Reaper, and flipped it on its side before the shells exploded internally, ripping it apart.

The next turret surfaced, this time, pointing its guns towards the skies and let loose three brilliant blue streams.

"Admiral, SBB Yamato, Hood and Bismarck have surfaced and have begun anti-Reaper operations. "

"Good. Take us to orbit."

"This thing can't go to space, it's a battleship!" Shepard protested.

Anderson's eye gleamed. "No, Shepard – it's a Space Battleship."


End file.
